Me and my (currently non-existent) hijab.

2 Jun

Ask me why I do not wear a hijab and I can tell you exactly why. It is the fact that the hijab is the first and most obvious sign of a Muslimah, and it is these women that most people assume to represent Islam. I do not feel that I am worthy of representing my religion, not when there are so many things that I should do, that I don’t, and so many things that I should not do that I still do.


Yet there are women who wear the hijab and who do not, in any way, shape or form act the way a Muslimah should, and at the same time I know of Muslimahs who behave much more admirably who do not wear the hijab. So does wearing the hijab make you a ‘better’ Muslimah than the ones who do not? Surely actions speak louder than words. But then choosing to not cover your hair is also an action, which also speaks.
I have always told myself that I would take the plunge after marriage, but why then? If I do not want non-Mahrams to see my hair or my body after I am married, why do I let it happen before marriage? What is the difference? If a man decides he would like to marry me, would I not like his reasons to be piety and humility as opposed to vanity and apparent beauty? I fear that I am not strong enough for this.
At the age of sixteen I decided to test drive the hijab. I did not last even two days. Yet the guilt I felt at the time of deciding that it was not, in fact, for me, was incredible. I had already made up my mind that if I did ever decide to wear a hijab, I would stick to it; that would be it, no turning back. I do not want to once again remove it, but I do not know if I am ready to let myself be recognised by my hijab. The only good news is that the part of me which is encouraging me to cover my hair seems to be growing louder.
These arguments are feeble, and since I know this I have to admit to myself that the actual reason I do not cover my hair is vanity. At the back of my mind I already recognise and acknowledge my attempt to justify why I do not wear a hijab as wrong, yet…
Maybe it’s time to stop spewing excuse upon excuse, and finally take the plunge. After all, Allah Subhanahu wa-ta’ala says: “Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you.” – Hadith Qudsi.

~ Zoya Mohsin

Read more about Zoya here

Glossary:

Allah  ~ Arabic word for ‘God’, there is no gender association, no plural.

Subhanahu wa-ta’ala  ~ ‘Pure is He and He is exalted’

Muslimah ~ Muslim woman

Mahram ~ A male who a woman can never marry because of close relations e.g. a brother, a father, a sibling

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6 Responses to “Me and my (currently non-existent) hijab.”

  1. Umm Yunus June 3, 2011 at 5:59 am #

    Asalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis,
    may Allah ta’ala make it easy for you.Ameen
    just remind yourself that Allah commands you to cover yourself, its not a matter of getting that extra reward (as you would with the sunnah acts) but rather one of not accruing bad deeds. Allah musta’an.
    Other people’s shortcomings in terms of THEIR deen, has no bearing on our own shortcomings, for we’ll stand infront of Allah alone! Regarding whether it makes you a better Muslim, Allah knows best. I would hope it pathes the way, in that obedience to Allah leads to greater obedience.
    The greatest advice I could give you or any other sisters for that matter, beg Allah to assist you. You can’t do anything on your own. And humble yourself. If vanity is the problem, consider what vanity is:excessive pride (one definition, others weren’t kinder). SubhanAllah, how can we accept this as a characteristic when it will prevent us from entering Jannah and is hated to Allah. http://www.sunnipath.com/library/Hadith/H0004P0072.aspx
    All good is from Allah, the mistakes are mine.

  2. Black Muslimah June 3, 2011 at 10:59 am #

    ASA, sister. I also have a family member who doesn’t wear hijab for that very reason. She too says she doesn’t want to wear it because she doesn’t think she is at a point in her life we she can represent hijab properly. I respect that decision. She says la illaha illalah so to me she is a muslim. We are all at different levels of iman and we all have our struggles, including myself. May Allah make your path easy on you, Ameen!

  3. Me and My Hijab Admin June 3, 2011 at 11:04 am #

    SubhanAllah I remember slightly feeling the same way as Zoya before I started wearing the hijaab. May Allah make it easy for you sis- ameen. Zara 🙂

  4. Zeem June 12, 2011 at 6:53 pm #

    I thank you all for your kind words of support! I’m obviously still struggling, but I feel myself edging closer and closer to it. I am truly thankful to the admin for asking Muslimahs from all walk of life to contribute to this blog, it is certainly helping. Thank you for your wishes, I will keep you all updated Insh’Allah.
    Much love & Salaam, Zoya.

  5. Lina December 12, 2011 at 11:22 am #

    Salam sister, i used to have the exact thoughts. I also put on the hijab when i was 14 and i took it off again telling myself i am not going to wear it if its not permanent. It took me 13 years to put it on again now permanently insyaAllah..but Alhamdulillah i am glad Allah gave 13 years of chances and did not take my life during that period.. N now 13 yrs later. Im collecting the pieces.. Continuing where i last stopped n not looking back..forever asking for Allah’s forgiveness coz only HE will allow me a place in Jannah.. InsyaAllah.. May Allah make it easy for you sister.. InsyaAllah..

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