My Hijaab Journey

23 Jun

Dear Reader,

Throughout my life I have been faced with choices, options and routes. Unfortunately, more so than not, I have chosen to take a route directing me away from Islam and taking options that have left me emotionally drained and spiritually lost. Alhamdullilah we live and we learn, I am proud to say that eventually I have found a place were I am settled and feel at ease for the first time in my life since I started to make my own decisions. This is my journey to the hijaab, and I want to share it with you all.

 


In my teens I was very much the epiphany of an insecure girl, I longed for attention and had a lot of anger venting inside of me, perhaps due to the different identities I felt I needed to form. I always just longed to fit in. And it was something I battled with for a very long time, changing my appearance, establishing different ways to communicate, my family would call these changes ‘different phases’ as it would happen so frequently. It wasn’t until my late teens that I found a true passion. The stance against injustices. With this passion embedded deep inside of me it was almost as though all the insecurities, all the longing to fit in was diminished by the want to help and understand the world struggles around me.


From this path I learnt a lot about different countries and places in the world that were going through struggles. This lead me to pursuing volunteer work in fundraising and building up contacts in hope that one day I would be able to do go to places and build projects in the hope that I could go through the struggle with them, as if it would ease their pain somewhat. With the events came the opportunity of hosting and building contacts with people, so a lot of face to face stuff. And it got me asking a question. How do I want to be perceived? What is my identity? I have never been one to determine and tag people based on their ethnicity, I feel as though defining someone by their race practically amounts to normalising barriers between people, they are just another human in my eyes. Ultimately whatever I was going to be defined as needed to be a representation of my personality, and with the work I was doing I have come to believe that ultimately and foremost I must be seen as a Muslim. How can I do that without the hijaab on my head? Who is going to take me seriously as a Muslim if I cannot even be loyal to my identity. And then it got me questioning why I already haven’t worn the headscarf. And the answers where pretty much what you would expect; vanity, anxiousness, acceptance. This brought me back to the mind set of my teenage days, and now it was my choice again. Do I want to fit in with a system of exploitation through vanity, or do I want to do something for myself, and for my Allah. 


I know what the answer is, God willing I will have that hijaab on my head by Ramadan, because truly, I will not find peace until I do something for the good of myself and not for anyone else. I hope you can all give me the support I need on this journey and I will literally be keeping you updated about it all. I know the hijaab is my Fard (obligation), I am aware that it should not be delayed but I am a fool for this Dunya (world) and need to strengthen myself, I hope all your kind words will give me that push. 

~ Naima Adam

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One Response to “My Hijaab Journey”

  1. Zahrah June 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    Asalam Wa Alaykum sister,

    Reading your blog I could relate to the frustration of longing to form some sort of identity. I’m sixteen and recently began to wear the Hijab once again. It was especially difficult for me as I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy and always assumed that I would start after Uni. However the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was letting Shaytan sway me and wasting time. The day I began to wear Hijab I also wore an abbayah to school. It shocked a lot of people and I did get some girls talk about me behind my back btu I knew why I was wearing it. Sometimes it is tempting to go back but then I remind myself how beautiful Hijab is. Hijab is an identity, it is the identity of as muslimah, someone with self respect and guts! Someone not a salve to society but a slave to her Lord. It is a blessing from Allah. Don’t wait until Ramadan, we don’t even know if we will be here in the next hour.

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