One Year Into It, Finally Convinced?

7 Nov

“I’m not convinced with hijab one hundred percent” is what I thought throughout the last 10 months that I have worn hijab.  It didn’t make sense to me to do something Allah (swt) had ordered in the Quran without completely understanding it. In fact, 4 months into wearing the hijab consistently, not even looking out the window without it, I wanted to take it off completely. I wanted to know what made one who wore a scarf different than one who does not if they both dress the same, pray five times a day, fast and obey Allah. I wanted to know why people are quicker to judge a female who wears hijab rather than one who does not, and then vice versa. I’m not a scholar, and I’m definitely not one to want to debate about a topic like this. I just wanted answers, especially being the only one in my high school who wears the hijab, the only one to get asked questions that I wish I could answer. Answer more than “it is part of my religion”. When I wanted to take off the hijab, I didn’t. I thought about how it would be to walk outside without it after wearing it, and I tried it, yet ran back inside my house because something rushed over me. I walked back inside and decided to renew my intentions, I did dhikr, (remembrance of Allah) and I prayed. I told one of my non-Muslim friends what I thought and she told me “If I were you, I would keep it on, forget what people think because that is what you are thinking about, people. You should be thinking about doing it for God, because He asked you to. Keep the hijab on. It became a part of you. Would you let go of something you’ve known every day for a little bit of doubts?”

So I thought and thought and decided to keep the hijab on. Clearly I was not going to take it off. In fact, I put it on after thinking about wearing it for so long. I was like the boy who cried wolf for about two years, telling my mother that I would wear the hijab and I was ready only to tell her hours later, I was not ready. Then, the third time, late December of last year, I made the final decision to become a “hijabi”. I am the only one out of my sisters to wear it. My wardrobe had barely changed and I was the same person, yet I still couldn’t understand the reason behind hijab.

Now that you have read up to here, you’ll probably be too bored to read the rest but here comes the point of my post. A few days ago, I realized why I wore hijab, kind of. Some of my question were answered. I was telling a brother again what I thought (of course me always telling people what I think), and he told me I was complicating it. That it was simpler than what I was making it. He asked me why I wore hijab, and I said, “Because Allah asked us to”, and he said something along the lines of “exactly, He has His reasons and He knows best.”  We put our trust in Allah. The Quran are the exact words of Allah and they do take interpretation but Allah speaks to us when we read Quran.

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, head cover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.” [Al-Noor 24:31]

We are also told to follow the example of the wives of the Prophet (PBUH).  Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

 “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Ahzaab 33:59]

It is as simple as that.

So why was I making such a big deal about what was in my own head? Why did I let Satan whisper to me? It was because I was over thinking the simplicity of it. We live to please the Creator, not His creation. I’m thankful I wear the hijab because finally I’m convinced. It did take a long time (about 10 and a half months), but I’d rather be thankful wearing it for Allah, and to protect myself. I’d rather wear it out of conviction rather than just because somebody told me to. The hijab is more than just a scarf, to me, it is a part of me. Without it, I don’t feel complete. It reminds me I’m a Muslim out in public. My advice to fellow Muslimahs is: Don’t be afraid to ask questions because if you don’t ask, you’ll spend too much time wondering. If you are thinking about wearing hijab, pray istikharah, and make duaa. The first part is the hardest only because it takes a huge leap of faith.

I end this by saying sorry for boring you, and I hope God guides us all on the straight path, Ameen.

Source:

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/13998/hijab

~ Rola T

Click here to read more about Rola T

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One Response to “One Year Into It, Finally Convinced?”

  1. sparks2exist November 8, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

    It’s interesting to what a person goes through while wearing the hijab, keep it up sister inshallah Allah will reward you for your perseverance.. Inshallah

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