We Do Not Have To Be A Monolith To Get Along

Originally written for and published on the blog JAN Trust

The idea that we as human beings must reject our differences and solely focus on that which makes us similar is one that is becoming increasingly common today. Although it may sound like a very nice idea and good in theory, it carries many underlying problems.

When we tell a person that they should not focus on the things that make them different or unique we are subconsciously telling them that these things are wrong.  More so, we are also denying the person the right to their own personal identities in the name of solidarity.  Requesting that people deny the many different attributes that make them who they are is not the ONLY way in which we as people will be able to come together.   Furthermore, this idea is mostly perpetrated by individuals who would like to cover up racism and discrimination by claiming that “we are all the same”.  These individuals tend to experience some form of privilege within society enabling them to impose their world-view in an arrogant and discriminatory way.   When a person’s different attributes affect the ways in which they are treated in society everyday it is unacceptable for others who cannot relate to this experience to then dictate the ways in which they should look at and treat these differences.  People should not have to keep silent or deny their reality because it may cause hostility or cause others to become uncomfortable; it forms part of who they are.  If we TRULY desire betterment and change then these conversations must be had on a large scale wherever necessary despite the many emotions that may arise from them.

Countries in the west such as the UK like to constantly throw around the word ‘diversity’- but what does it really mean?  Educator and activist Jane Elliott once said, “We live in different realities. When you deny what a person is going through you’re denying their reality. We are as different on the inside as we are on the outside and we have the RIGHT to be so.  People, don’t deny differences.  Accept them, appreciate them, recognize them and cherish them.  They are extremely important”.  Her statement shows the essence of what true diversity is.  It is not acting as if you don’t see colour (which is a very intelligent way to ignore race issues by the way) or gender or culture but it is actually acknowledging that we as human beings are different in many ways and this is perfectly ok.  We do not have to change our differences to promote harmony, we must change the way we LOOK at differences to promote harmony.  Many a time, people who do not fit ‘the standard’ are accused of challenging societal norms and are consequently seen as a threat to a system founded upon all forms of discrimination.  People are told to shave their beards, tame their unruly afros, take off their headscarves and speak in a certain way all of which reinforce the idea that we cannot be who we are if we want to be a part of a well functioning society.  A society that truly values diversity will benefit from richness in terms of cultures, ideas, opinions and can teach the individuals of that society to be more tolerant of lifestyles that are different from our own.  We learn to co-exist with others which can help to reduce mistrust, stereotypes as well as racism and discrimination.  A truly diverse society also promotes education, and we know that by educating people we are actively removing them from ignorance.

“And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge.” [30:22]

Race and culture should be celebrated not ignored or used as a means to discriminate against one another.  People should be seen as who THEY are and not in the ways we might feel is best.  We do not have to be a monolith to get along.

Sheila N.

To read more about Sheila, click here

Catcalling – It IS An Issue.

Originally written for and published on the blog JAN Trust

Earlier last week I read an article titled “25 Totally Acceptable Ways To Respond To Catcallers” which was a very insightful and funny piece on an experience that MANY women face, some on a daily basis.  If you’re unfamiliar with the term ‘Catcalling’ in this context, it is a combination of both sexual and street harassment in which men (or women) yell out comments of a sexual  nature to an individual as they pass by in order to get their attention, sometimes this will also include some sort of touching or groping.

Although the piece itself was quite humorous the situation being spoken about is not, and we as a society are becoming increasingly indifferent to this behaviour, particular when it comes from men.   Because of society’s normalisation of this kind of street harassment, women feel less inclined to openly take offence and be as vocally disapproving as they would like.  The author of the article relayed her experience of being catcalled one early morning and stated that she felt guilty for not responding to a man’s questions and advances.  She said, “I started questioning my own instincts: Maybe I was too rude. Maybe I should have at least smiled or waved or something”.  This is an all too common feeling for many women who have had the experience of being catcalled.  They worry about their own behaviour when in fact they DO NOT have to respond or be nice to strange men who make them feel uncomfortable.  Catcallers lose their right to kindness the moment they violate your personal space and personal boundaries.  Catcalling also causes real feelings of fear among victims.   Many women feel that if they vocally express their disapproval at being catcalled the perpetrator will suddenly become verbally or physically abusive towards them.  In these instances, some women will start engaging with the perpetrator to remove themselves from the situation, sometimes this will involve lying about having a boyfriend or husband in the hope that the perpetrator will respect their decision to leave.  This is not ok, vocally stating that they do not like the situation they are in should be ENOUGH for a man to apologise and leave her alone and should also be ENOUGH for society to realise this shouldn’t be happening in the first place.

The experience of being catcalled is not only extremely upsetting but can also influence the way women view themselves, each other and wider society.  Some women have been led to believe that a man yelling after them in the street is a compliment because they have internalised the idea of women simply being a sexual object and they therefore should be flattered even if it upsets them, while others have been made to think that a man touching them without their permission is perfectly acceptable and is in fact a part of the experience of being a woman.  Other groups of women become so anxious that they begin to hate themselves and their womanhood.  They avoid going out for fear of being degraded and can even develop a deep rooted hatred and fear for the opposite gender.

The sooner we as a society ACCEPT this the faster we can deal with the problem.  This casual acceptance of street harassment can be viewed as an indicator of how wider society views women in general and what it believes their purpose should be.  Throughout recent history women have been fighting for the right to be seen as equals but it is a movement that has been met with much resistance because it does fit in with the traditional gender narratives.  In order for society as a whole to tackle the issue of street harassment we must open up a dialogue about the current position and the role of women in society today.  There needs to be a discussion on the concept and the social construction of gender and we must begin challenging the mind-set by educating individuals within society on street and sexual harassment by going into schools, universities and the workplace and conducting workshops and seminars on what it is and why it is wrong.  Finally, we must combat the constant objectification and sexualisation of women and girls in the media.  The media has been viewed as the driving force behind these sexist and misogynistic attitudes by many women’s organisations because it causes many to become desensitized to the degradation of women and young girls everywhere.

We as women in society need to understand that we are NOT the problem.  We must begin to challenge this behaviour the moment we experience it and say something about how we can tackle the sexualisation and objectification of women at societal level because it is WRONG and it is a form of SEXUAL HARASSMENT whether the victim or the perpetrator believes it to be or not.  If we continue to ignore it, it will continue and will also progressively get worse.

Ladies, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!  You have the RIGHT to walk, run, sit, in a public place without receiving unwanted sexual advancements and you have the right to bloody state your disapproval if and when you receive them.  You were not put on this Earth for the mere pleasure of disrespectful men.  CHECK these FOOLS! Women everywhere salute you!

Sheila N.

To read more about Sheila, click here

“Marriage” By She

Here are some talks for ya:

Abdul Malik – Islam and Dating – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfjTt6713e0

Shadeed Muhammad – The Marriage Series – http://rawdah.org/2012/04/27/the-marriage-series/

Mufi Menk – Marriage – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FterpIbfTqU

Yasmin Mogahed – Love, Respect and Tranquillity in a Marriage – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkowK-OXus8

Disclaimer: I am an unmarried lady so you don’t have to take on board anything that you have just read. (This is still some damn good advice though) #TheproblemwithPsychologists lol

~ Sheila

To read more about Sheila, click here

The Me & My Hijaab Blog- Why People Stay Away

Many a time I’ve heard or felt that sisters do not want to get involved with Me & My Hijaab because of some of the following reasons:

1. They don’t wear the hijaab and think that we will judge / force them to wear it.
2. They are not practising or not as practising as they think we are and again, think that we will judge them.
3. They are of the belief that some Muslim women are obsessed with the hijaab or that we put too much emphasis on it.

Firstly, let me give you abit of background.

Something Doesn’t Add Up

People assume that my hijab is just a scarf. They assume that its purpose is to simply cover my hair. They have no idea that this hijab is like a remote. It controls everything I do, think, and say. How I walk, talk, and dress. My hijab is more than a proclamation of my Islamic identity, it is the definition of my person. It declares, “I am Muslim, watch how my beliefs and actions reflect one another.”

Hijaab- a growing process that should not be judged

Recently I’ve seen a lot of people “commenting” on the attire of sisters who wear the hijaab. Unfortunately, it’s usually other sisters who are doing the commenting. After a conversation with a lovely sister on twitter, I decided to write a piece on this issue, which has bothered me for a while.

I Aspire Too.

Asalaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu 🙂

As per usual, I am having an issue with putting what’s in my head down on paper so you have to bare with me once again.  If you read my Hijab story you’ll remember me saying that after I made the decision to wear the hijab, I encountered some problems.  I’m going to have a little rant about one of the problems I’m having.

Why I Am Muslim

(Originally written for and published on the blog Hijabi Inspiration, Niqabi Aspirations)

Bismillah Ar-rahman Ar-raheem

As-salaamu ‘Alakyum,

I wanted to clarify why I am Muslim, not how I came to Islam. Conversion tales are generally the same. However, ask Muslims why they practice and you’re guaranteed a million answers.

Black Abaya

Asalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu 🙂

Okay, so my thoughts on this topic are still a little jumbled up in my mind and I’ve tried for weeks to sort them out- but it’s not happening so I’m just going to see what happens with this.  Before I made the decision to wear Hijab, I PROMISED myself that when I finally did it, I would do it PROPERLY.  To me, properly was basically a khimar covering my hair, neck and bosoms and a black abaya to cover myself from the shoulders down.  Simple.

For non Muslims and newly practising Muslims- reading the Quran

(Originally written for and published on the blog Yes I Have A Voice– Feb 28th 2011)

Yesterday I was subjected to an Islamophobic rant on Twitter.  The man pulled random verses from the Quran (Islamic holy book) to prove that Islam is evil /  violent ect.  People are entitled to their opinions, I only wish they would show more grace when expressing it.

Anyway, after blocking this person (I refuse to debate / argue on Twitter- 140 characters is just not enough) I thought that rather than complaining about people who use a religions holy book to insult that same religion, I would post some advice, for anyone who wishes to read the Quran.

We don’t need liberating!!!

 

 

 

I saw this picture on twitter via @Abidhaaaa_ and I absolutely loved it! It is self explanatory- nuff said.

Naseehah/Advice

Bismillah

@SheilaSpeaks said this today ‘Your nasiha will have zero effect if its given with even a drop of arrogance. Manners Please.’

It really struck a cord with me. Gladly I have no memory of anyone being arrogant when advising me. Sadly I feel as though I have seemed arrogant when advising others. I don’t believe I have ever been arrogant while advising, this is not reluctance to acknowledge my bad behaviour, this is true, I am not arrogant but I am stubborn (may God help me) and the two can appear as one. I think many times, the way in which we address people can prevent this.

B.a.b.y.s.t.e.p.s

“So I’ve decided to start practicing. But…what now?

Where do I start?

What do I do?

Who do I go to?

What do I read?”

Islam consists of many incredible sciences, from jurisprudence, to the correct recitation of the Quran, to the language of Arabic, just to name a few! But despite its brilliance, its enormity can be overwhelming, and somewhat daunting for a newly practising Muslim.  And often, for sisters, the hijaab tends to steal a lot of the limelight when it comes to your list of things to do.

The Surah Mulk Challenge

Are you ready for the challenge?

Imam Ahmed recorded from Abu Hurayrah that Allah’s messenger (saw) said:

Verily, there is a chapter in the Quran which contains 30 ayat that will intercede on behalf of its reciter, until he is forgiven. (It is): Blessed be He in whose hand is the dominion.

Hijaab- A Responsibility

After reading a post by a sister on Me and My Hijaab, one thing she said resonated with me “…Yet there are women who wear the hijab and who do not, in any way, shape or form act the way a Muslimah should, and at the same time I know of Muslimahs who behave much more admirably who do not wear the hijab. So does wearing the hijab make you a ‘better’ Muslimah than the ones who do not? Surely actions speak louder than words. “ I remember feeling like this before I wore the hijaab. And it made me contemplate how do I portray myself as a Muslim woman who wears the hijaab now? How do Muslims and non- Muslims view me?